I think im going to throw up on grandma
How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
Randomize
