so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
Randomize
