I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
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