i think i have two assholes
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
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