After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
Randomize
