his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
Randomize
