On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
Randomize