I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Randomize
