when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
Randomize