She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
