i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
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