We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
Do you have feelings for this penis?
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
Randomize