CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
Randomize
