You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
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