hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
FUCK WHALES
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Randomize