ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
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