your room smells of hookers.
And success
I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
The struggles of a small town man whore
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
Randomize
