Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
Randomize
