Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
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