I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
Randomize