Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
My cat gives me a boner
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
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