My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
Randomize
