textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
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