I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
Randomize
