I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize