ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
Mind blown. Apparently, it's PRErogative, not PERogative. I blame Bobby Brown.
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
Randomize
