I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
