Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
my sisters under your porch take her home
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
Randomize
