so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Randomize
