margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
Randomize
