new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
we need to get ahold of those "sexting" teens on tyra. HAWT!
wasnt one 13?
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
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