u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
Randomize
