I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Randomize
