# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
Randomize
