she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
last night I used snow as a chaser
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
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