how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
Randomize
