I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
Randomize
