The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
Randomize
