Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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