Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
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