from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
Randomize
