I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
Tornado booty call.. dedication
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
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