so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
Randomize
