Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Randomize
