found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
I have surprise drugs for everyone
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
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