you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
Randomize
