ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
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