I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
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