Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
Randomize
