i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
Randomize
