You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
Randomize
