So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
Threesome in a minivan. New low
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
Randomize
