The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
Randomize