also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
Randomize
