did you make any bad decisions?
many, i pretty much fell in love with a freshman...it doesn't get much better than that
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize
