I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
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