She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
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