Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(925): View more from California

First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.

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(832): View more from Houston, Texas

I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.

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(443): View more from Maryland

I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.

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(801): View more from Utah

my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.

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(419): View more from Ohio

its not a party unless mikie exposes himself

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(408): View more from California

This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.

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(651): View more from Minnesota

2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people

(763): View more from Minnesota

and u failed math?

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(303): View more from Colorado

And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink

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(218): View more from Minnesota

Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.

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