News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
Randomize
