the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
It was a blind-side dick pic.
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
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