The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
Randomize