He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
Randomize
