I'm so fucking centered right now
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
Randomize
