I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
Randomize
