On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
Randomize
