Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Randomize
