I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
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