okay pat passed out under dana's car
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
My ATM looks so different sober.
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
Randomize
