am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
Randomize
