He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
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