The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
Randomize
