Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
Randomize
