I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
Randomize
