I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Randomize
