I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize
