I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
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