I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize
