Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
Randomize
