Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
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