she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
