I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
Randomize
