Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
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