I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
Randomize
