I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
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