dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
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