You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
Randomize
