Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize
