We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
Everyone says I win the strip club
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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