what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
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