Will you blow on my dice?
Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
Randomize
