i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
Randomize
