he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
We smell like vodka and hangover
Randomize
