I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
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