I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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