But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
Randomize
