Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
Randomize
