1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
