the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
Randomize
