My room smells like vodka and shame
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
I can feel your judgement through the phone
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
I wear drunk well.
Randomize
