Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
So my game is weak??
If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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