Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
Randomize
