; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
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