Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
