respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
