from now on my penis is your penis
You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize
