So drunk its hurt
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
Randomize
