I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
Randomize
