stop calling my apartment porn island.
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
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