someone get that fucking seahorse.
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
