I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
Randomize
