Wow so rude I was trying to have an orgy later but whatever
I think having sex with you would be a great treat for us
you guys got to bein so kosher and go with the flow
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
Randomize