Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
i'm transferring to degrassi. i don't care that it's severely canadian. classes are five minutes long, there's no actual work and you can get oot of class whenever you want to go have a dramatic scene with someone in the hall
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
Randomize
