mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
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