i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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