and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
Vodka?
Forever.
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
Randomize
