Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
Randomize
