I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
Randomize
