after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Randomize
