How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
Randomize
