So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
Randomize